Since this post, actually pretty decent. I went to the doc today and was diagnosed with anxiety, depression and insomnia because of my symptoms and family history. I got a multi-purpose pill for it that covers anxiety, depression and a whole load of other conditions that I didn’t need but just happen to be in it (similar to multi-purpose cold caps). The insomnia part is because I haven’t slept because of stress. So no sleeping pill for that given that the issue isn’t that I need to be more tired to sleep or something, it’s the stress and obsessive thoughts keeping me up. In fact, last night I was dead tired but still couldn’t sleep much because my mind was racing. Probably’ only got about 4 hours.
I pretty much expected that diagnosis to an extent given that I couldn’t sleep much, didn’t feel like doing stuff, was anxious, emotional and felt hopeless, but I couldn’t be sure without going to the doc of course. Well, going there was in itself quite a relief for me in itself because I was checked out for it and I was found to be healthy other than the three things in the diagnosis of course. Though I was a bit nervous to even go there at first, heh… Funny how that works. Like, I knew full well I could potentially get help for it there, but my mind still told me not to because I was so anxious to do stuff.
The pill so far seems to be working well. I have not been anywhere close to as panicky, triggery, shaky or as emotional as i have been lately after I took it (Well, it took a bit of time to kick in of course) so it’s quite literally manageable to the point I almost feel like myself already. I also haven’t had nearly as many automatic mind racing grim thoughts from the subconscious, amazingly. Apparently it takes around a week for it to work in full so I assume it’ll get even better from here on out. It’s not a narcotic either so I don’t feel loopy (nor can I get addicted to it). Which is good because I hate that feeling. I avoid all “night time” stuff like the plague because drowsy stuff makes me feel worse than non-drowsy stuff as I get nauseated, lightheaded, feel weak and jittery. I’m fine being tired in a regular fashion, it’s artificial drowsy that just does not sit well with me. Ugh… I just reminded myself of my greatest nemesis besides Majora’s Mask: Original Liquid Nyquil… *shudder* That is no “medicine”, it’s a poison! I get the bad drowsy med symptoms I described combined with a taste so horrible I nearly threw up once just having it in my mouth. In fact, it has such a bad taste that it was called “Green Death” by Denis Leary and the nickname caught on with some others. How that stuff still sells enough to exist after all these years when there are alternatives to it is beyond me. Maybe people just like an extra challenge when they are already sick, lol! But I digress…
Anyway, if this pill doesn’t work in the long run, I could apparently have thyroid problems (which also can be regulated via a pill). But from the looks of things, that is doubtful since no one I know in my family has that and I have felt immensely better after having the pill being in my system for a little less than half a day. I’ll likely be going back to the doc in 3 weeks for a followup visit too. If I’m not back to my usual self by then, they’ll do blood testing. I’m not so sure I feel comfortable with that given I never had a needle stuck in me and I don’t deal with pain well… I told the doc that too in order to prepare ahead of time. He says it doesn’t hurt as much as you think it does, but me and pain just don’t mix well as i have a very low pain tolerance… I guess I’ll do what I gotta do and get stuck if I need to though. But the doc seemed confident it was anxiety. (and since I’m feeling a lot better, it likely is)
Oh and if you are wondering, no it’s not because I’m not scared of my own blood or something. I found that out when I used to get really bad bloody noses for seemingly no reason (Like a light nose boop) years ago. I never flinched as blood dripped out of my nose and/or on my hands… or counter tops… or floors… or bedsheets as it’s bleeding started in my sleep at times which woke me up… Dang it was annoying to clean to up on some things! lol! So it just annoyed me more than anything because it was inconvenient. Though one time it wouldn’t stop bleeding for like a half hour which scared me and prompted me to go to the ER. So really it was more about me worrying about bleeding to death then the blood itself. (I have no idea how much blood I lost that day, but I wasn’t lightheaded or anything so it couldn’t have been a much as I thought at the time) Anyway, after they put a clip on my nose to close the nostrils to get the bleeding to stop for around 20 minutes (It’s like a chip clip, but with soft rubber nubs to hold the nose rather than hard jagged plastic teeth) I had my nose cauterized right then and there in attempts to fix the problem which ended up being the successful end of my bloody noses. I assume how the clip works is it manages to successfully put pressure on whatever vessels tend to bleed in there by squeezing the nasal cavity itself together. (Not in a painful way though. Just squeeze your nostrils closed near the bottom of your nose where the softer skin is with your thumb and pointer fingers to see how it feels.)
Back on track again because I keep wandering off topic… I ended up taking a nap shortly after I reported the diagnosis to my Facebook page for like 3 hours because I was rather tired from the lack of sleep lately. I slept pretty good. Like before I would wake up in a panic for no apparent reason with instant racing bad thoughts (I assume it’s a dream, but I rarely remember those so I can’t say) and I’d have to distract myself to get the stress levels back down, sometimes multiple times per night. But after the nap I barely had any stress waking up. (This was of course after I took the pill) It was a fantastic confidence boosting result!
So yeah, things seem to be looking up.